


If it can be destroyed, burn it.

by AddictedPenguin



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Animal Abuse, Child Abuse, F/M, Fire, I'm not sure if it's angst but I'll add it anyway, It's Niki what do you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:39:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7177721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddictedPenguin/pseuds/AddictedPenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first memory he has of his father is his sullen face when he looked down into the crib and saw his son for the first time. He has been told often enough that it’s impossible for a child to have memories of their early years, and there is certainly no possibility that a child remembers something from the first days after their birth. But Fushimi Niki simply wasn’t an ordinary child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it can be destroyed, burn it.

The first memory he has of his father is his sullen face when he looked down into the crib and saw his son for the first time. He has been told often enough that it’s impossible for a child to have memories of their early years, and there is certainly no possibility that a child remembers something from the first days after their birth. But Fushimi Niki simply wasn’t an ordinary child.  
  
He is the only son of an old, religious family. This means that his father was always at work, he had a ‘significant position’ in some ‘important’ business. Perhaps this is the reason why Niki remembers the face of his father so strongly, he barely even looked at him after his birth. It must have been a disappointment beyond Niki’s own imagination. The only son after three daughters, an afterthought but to his luck, a boy. The heir that he should have been proud of. What a joke.  
  
His first daughter is his greatest pride. Niki was born when she was eighteen, and she had just left the house to get married and give their father grandchildren. She was perfect, did everything that was asked of her and lived up to ‘daddy’s expectations’. It’s sickening, and Niki is nothing but relieved that he did not have to put up with her during his childhood.  
  
The second daughter, before Niki’s birth, was the black sheep of the family. After his older sister left the house it was intended that she would help her mother in the household. But in the seventies, Japan too was a _victim_ (according to their father) of feminism, and the _sukeban- clan_ came forward with razor blades and iron chains under their long skirts and sailor shirts, to pitch into their enemies. They had the idea that women had the right to feel equally foolish, sexually free, and act violently like any man, and they turned into riotous adrenaline junkies in search of adventure. Although they came across as a motley crew, they had rules, showed respect towards each other, and even had a moral code which held them together. They were mad at the world, but they were mad at it together.  
  
There was this one rule that has stuck with Niki when his ten-year older sister told him about her ‘new family’ at the age of five. Girls who went after the boyfriend of another member, or showed lack of respect were burnt with cigarettes. To give him an idea of how serious that threat was, she stubbed out her cigarette on his upper arm. He cried out in pain, but when his mother and younger sister rushed inside they did not find a crying boy, but a fascinated Niki who could not stop looking at the burn mark on his arm, and begged his sister to do it again.  
  
After that he didn’t see her again, apparently soon after some twenty years old man got her pregnant, and she was repelled by the family. It’s a shame, of all his family members, he liked her best.  
  
His younger sister was seven when he was born. She was always the one who cared for him, and played with him. The best thing she liked to do was to dress him up with her old dresses, and buried him with jewellery. He thinks that his might have been the start of his love for the necklaces, bracelets and rings, he still wears today. As she donned woman’s clothes on him, he teased her back as every brother and sister do. However, Niki wasn’t just an annoying little brother who cut the hair of her dolls in an angry mood. Niki’s behaviour stemmed from boredom. When his sister was helping their mother, he sneaked into her room and took her most favourite dolls. All afternoon he would be occupied with trying to build a structure of everything he could find in their garden and shred. When she returned home she would find her dolls, tied above a vat of acid that their father kept in the shred. Only if she would figure out the right moves she would be able to save _one_ doll. While she was crying and screaming during her attempt to solve the intricate puzzles of knots her dolls were tied with, Niki was laughing in the doorway. Tears of joy rolled down his cheeks until his mother dragged him inside.  
  
“ _Wait until your father is home._ ” Another empty threat, from the woman who gave birth to him.  
  
His mother was a loving and hardworking housewife, who did anything for her husband family. She went to church every day, did voluntary work at the elderly home, and did chores around the house. She never even once bad mouthed their father, she merely followed him like a lamb. When Niki figured this out he used it to his advantage. He did not have any respect for his mother. When she would ask him something, he snapped and scolded her. Niki was only satisfied when his mother would burst out into tears, then he really had pushed her over the edge. While she whimpered, wondering what she had done wrong with her only son, Niki laughed at her face. Despite her son’s behaviour she remained faithful, and did everything for him. Niki would only have look, or point at something, and she would do it for him. He was spoiled to the core, and he enjoyed it.  
  
While the rest of Asia had just concluded a war, Japan constructed the high speed railway which connected Tokyo with two other metropolitan areas a year after his birth. And although the big cities were developed just like the Western part of the world, his father still lived by his own, old saying which his grandfather had used “ _if you cannot win, beat them_ ”. His father could not stand his behaviour and regularly abused his son. Unlike his mother, who did everything for her dear son, he had high expectations of him as his sole successor. He would go to college, and he would take over his position in the company, just like his father’s father had done. The entire Fushimi- family had a good set of brains, but Niki rose above everything.  
  
His father hadn’t been a fatuous man, but he was no match for Niki’s brain. As a small boy he learnt quickly that he could not win from his father physically, like he did with his mother, so he challenged his father with mind games. He created endless arithmetic problems, riddles and puzzles which his father could never solve. It would work on his nerves, and when his father asked his youngest sister to bring him the belt, Niki knew that he had won. The burning scars on his back were proof of this.  
  
To Niki, violence was not a solution, it was merely a tool to get what you want. Around the age of six he created a new motto to live by: “ _If it cannot be destroyed, burn it”._  
  
He had taught himself to read. Children books about colours, friendship and a caterpillar who never got tired of eating did not interested him as much. He’d rather stay in his father’s office when he wasn’t at home, and gathered the greatest books he could find. One of those books was about chemistry, and from that moment on Niki became fascinated with fire. With a piece of glass, or his father’s reading glasses, he would experiment for hours on leafs and insects in their garden. He counted the seconds until the largest beetles would burn, and he laughed heartily as the creature lay dying in the sun, or was running around aimlessly until the redemptive ending would come.  
  
The first time he laid his hands on matches, he became obsessed with the motion his hand had to make in order to inflame the head of the match. Once it was burning he stared at the flame that consumed the baton until he burnt his fingers.  
  
His dreams were always about fire, huge conflagrations where he would stand in the middle of without feeling any pain. He was always aware those were only dreams, because he experienced multiple times that unfortunately, he was not immune to fire.  
  
At the age of seven he caught several rats with traps he had made himself, and kept them in a large terrarium which he had gotten for his birthday. In the glass he had made a narrow hole that he closed off with a wad made of different materials. First the rodents left it alone, until one day, in the shed in the back of the garden, Niki dropped a lightened match into their home. He watched full anticipation as the animals were desperately looking for an exit. Soon, animal instinct he presumed, the animals figured out that the cloth in the small hole was their only way out. While the sawdust and hay was burning behind them, the young Niki saw the rats gnaw on it until their teeth bled to create an escape route. To his amusement he witnessed the animals attacking each other, murdering one another to squeeze themselves firstly through the small opening. Only the strongest will survive, he was he learnt from his experiment, when only two of his test objects remained. While the rest was left behind, wounded or already dead, as the flames came closer. He kept the two survivors until he would come up with another new experiment, but that day never came. When he returned home later that week, his father had discarded his terrarium and the rats.  
  
Niki did not have friends at school, they had tried once, until they learnt the raven’s definition of ‘fun’. Apparently his peers did not enjoy building a secret cabin in the woods, kidnap girls, and attempt to perform the same experiment as Niki had tried years before on his rats.  
  
The friends he did have in high school; Niki would never call ‘friends’. They were just his minions who carried out his orders while Niki himself protruded no leg. He just laughed as he watched his brilliant plans work out before his eyes at the hands of others. For him they were only puppets in a game, who only listened to him because they feared him too. He tested how far his minions dared to go if he would keep telling them that it was alright. He created his own _Millgram experiment_ , from reports he read when he was twelve. Instead of giving the victims shocks until they passed, he let his puppets threaten other people, bully and beat them until they would break. Only once he got closed to the outcome he desired, when one of his victims had been on the point of suicide.  
  
He felt no regret or remorse, like his minions, who were later on labelled as ‘victims’ of his manipulative attitude. When they questioned him, and asked him why he did it; he always came with the same answer. He had never forced them to do anything, they acted on their own will. They had had plenty opportunities to stop, but they did not take them.  
  
Niki got expelled from school and was sent to a boarding school where they would discipline him. This time the others knew to stay away from him. Niki didn’t mind being on his own. He wasn’t interested in any of his peers who could only speak about football and girls. He did not feel any attraction towards the opposite sex, he did not feel attracted to anyone in particular. People were simple tools to him, puppets he could control and let them dance according to his will, and once he was bored of them he’d toss them away.  
  
His test results were outstanding. Because of the strict regime of the boarding school he was forced to be present at every class. He did not actually do any of the work, but he had the highest results. He wasn’t a very humble student either, he loved rubbing his perfect grades into the faces of his classmates, and laughed at how useless they were. There was only one class Niki actually enjoyed; chemistry. The burners and the test tubes were under strict supervision and were kept away from the boy at all cost. Yet he managed to blow up the entire lab with a simple chemical reaction when the teacher had not been looking.  
  
When they wanted to expel him too, his parents begged the principal for one last chance. One more year and Niki would have his high school diploma. Then they would be satisfied. Niki despised his parents not because they left him at that school, he understood very well that they could not handle him alone, yet he felt _something,_ like a stab in his chest when they looked at him with eyes filled with disappointment.  
  
The last year he kept quiet, no unexplained fires in the toilets, no harassment or manic laughter around three in the morning to bring fear to the freshmen students. He was only seen writing in a notebook which he always carried with him.  
  
Niki graduated, and was allowed to return home. The first night he locked himself in his room, to the disappointment of his father, but his always conservative and over-worried mother waved it away as a normal reaction after spending years from home. Niki had chuckled to himself when he overheard their conversation, when ever had one of his reactions been classified as ‘normal’?  
  
He opened his notebook and went to work. The plan he had been preparing for the past year was about to be put in action.  
  
_3(CH3)2C0 + 3H202 – C9H18O6 + 3H2O_  
  
All he needs he collected the past year and wrote it down, step by step. The first ingredient was acetone, findable in nail polish remover. It was not so hard to get in a house full of women. This was already stored in the secret stash he started with he first began with experimenting in middle school. The following one was hydrogen peroxide, also referred to as oxygen water, an inorganic compound of hydrogen and oxygen. Simply found in disinfectants like bleach. His last necessary ingredient was more difficult to get his hands on; sulfuric acid. The lab at his school was under strict supervision after his last explosion. The process of receiving the small bottle of toxic liquid had been slow.  
  
The usual impulsive Niki, had written down and worked out every step in his notebook. Each class they followed in the practice lab Niki carried a needle and thread with him. While the teacher was explaining, and all the eyes were on the simple sample he was working on, he was seated at the back with one hand in his coat, sewing an extra hidden pocket. He always hung his coat on the same hook, hidden underneath an old, oversized lab coat no-one ever used. After about a week his extra pocket was finished, and he could start with step two.  
  
This move was riskier, he could not afford another explosion or start a fire again, it would have been too suspicious. He had to create a situation that was out of his control once he got his hands on the bottle of sulfuric acid. It was a patient process, first he had to wait until the next lesson they would use the required liquid. Because they would not let him near the cabinet he would have to come up with an alternative way.  
  
This gave him time to study the labels carefully and re-create them. The not dangerous, or explosive ones, as sugar water and iodine, were not locked away. He would only have to switch the labels, but trying to pick it off would take too much time. That’s why he made his own, new labels to make it easier to swab the bottles.  
  
His final step was creating chaos. After exchanging the bottles, the for him easiest step began, setting off the fire alarm. This would mean that they were to drop everything and leave their coats on as they were escorted outside. During one of the experiments he ran into a classmate, causing the burner to topple and his notes caught on fire. Soon the beautiful sound of the alarm echoed through the corridors and everyone was ordered to walk out calmly. He slipped his ready-made liquid bottle in his hidden pocket and two minutes later they were all outside. Drenched, but still with their lab coats on. His plan had succeeded.  
  
Now it was only a matter of adding everything together, and let it cool down at least twenty-four hours to get the white crystals, which seemed more like a bag of crack-cocaine powder than explosives. If it were to be found too early, he could always have used the excuse that he was on drugs. But Niki was one hundred percent sure that his plan would succeed.  
  
The following night, while the dessert was in the same refrigerator as Niki’s bomb, almost the entire family got together to celebrate Niki’s return. They had dinner with his two sisters, their partners and children. He did not exchange a word with his family for the entire night, not even with the eldest son of his sister, who was only one year younger than Niki himself. His father’s new favourite. Fantastic grades, well raised, he was everything that his father ever wanted from his own son. Niki felt the strong urge to push the face of that bootlicker in his plate, and pour the ice water down over his back, he kept quiet. Although it was difficult to keep in his giggle as he thought of what would happen tonight. His revenge would be beyond anything he had ever done.  
  
When the children were already to bed, and the parents ruddy from the wine, Niki slipped into his parents’ bedroom to take anything of value. Savings, expensive jewellery, and an old, golden watch. His father would not need that anymore. He had to act quickly once he was back at his room. At a temperature above the ten degrees Celsius the bomb he made would go off. The transition from solid to gas gives a volume expansion. Because this expansion takes place so quickly and massively, it has an explosive character. In this chemical reaction relatively a little heat is released, so Niki made some preparations for that.  
  
He set the timer and climbed through the window, repeating the plan in his head. Never before had he made an actual plan to see someone suffer, the adrenalin rushing through his veins was overwhelming. He felt the urge to vomit coming up. In exactly five minutes his radio alarm will go off on the maximum volume. Because of the sleeping children one of his parents will have to open the door to ask him to turn down the noise. If the door handle is pressed down, the lid of the jar will be lifted, and due the added oxygen and increasing temperature in his room the crystals will explode. The explosion itself will not cause any fire, so he lit an oil lamp and put it down on his desk. This will fall over and once the flame gets in contact with the gasoline on the floor, he will have the best show ever. His own masterpiece. What is an explosion without flames, after all?  
  
He sat down on safe distance in the woods behind their house, and after five minutes he presses the play button of his _Walkman._ The first sounds of the violins reach his ears. _In the Palace ~ Agitato*_ , his parents will hear the music, ask him nicely to turn it down and if that fails, they’ll have to enter by force. After exactly 37 seconds he gets blinded by a bright, white light, followed by large, red and orange coloured flames reflecting in his dark eyes. He spreads his arms while he takes in the beautiful sight. The obedient flames flicker in the breeze, blackening the wood of their old house, transforming it to charcoal at his own command. An uncontrollable grin spreads across his malnourished features. The glowing amber seems to be performing a fierce dance in the darkness, and Niki dances with them on the rhythm of his music.  
  
The unbearable heat burnt his face, smoke filled his lungs, he had never experienced such a euphoric moment in his life until this night. The cries of fear and pain went dead over the deafening music in his ears, and his own manic laughter. If he would have lost his life with them that night, it would have been the best death he could have wished for. He cannot imagine a better end than when the flames would consume him, licking his skin until he completely burns away. A shiver crept over his body, all the way down over his spine. If this is what an orgasm is supposed to feel like, he never wants it to end. Vaguely, in the distance, he was able to hear the sirens coming closer. They were too late, way too late. By the time they’d arrive there would be nothing left of the house. All his memories, his cranky father, his vile mother, his insufferable sisters and their children. Everything has gone up in the smoke. If they somehow survived and managed to get out in time, Niki hopes he will never have to see them again. Good riddance.  
  
After this night Niki underwent a metamorphosis. He held the rings from his mother as a token, of the money and the watch from his father he bought new clothes. No clean shirts and school uniforms anymore, these were replaced for a black shirt, ripped jeans and leather boots. He is letting his hair grow, his bangs falling over his eyes. The jeans had long chains on the pockets, the right one adorned with a cross, held up by a belt. He now wore multiple pieces of jewellery, including an intricate chain necklace, bracelets on both wrists, and the rings from his mother. On his left hand, the rings are on his index finger and ring finger, while on the other he has the rings on his thumb, index finger and pink. To finish his new look, he got four studs in his left ear. No-one would recognise him, for now.    
  
Now eighteen years old he wandered through the streets, from address to address. He had the time of his life. He lived on alcohol and cigarettes, and fucked anything that was not nailed down. Women paid him to belittle them and humiliate them. Niki gave them what they wanted without having to put effort into it. If they were in pain and begging him to stop, is when he enjoyed it the most. Especially when some women let him play with fire.  
  
One of these women, with whom he regularly shared the bed with, asked him to accompany her to an event from the university’s business club where she was expected as professor, to make her ex jealous. She was Niki’s potential as a genius, and offered him quite a lot of money. In exchange for going with her Niki would be allowed to let his wildest fantasies come true after the event. He was bored, and he could use the money, so he went along.  
  
That is where he met _her._  
  
He had learnt to appreciate female beauty, and he had to admit she _was_ pretty. She had dark, wavy long hair that mostly rest on her left shoulder, and narrow, blue eyes. That evening she was wearing a long, strapless ruffled evening gown, that had a slit beginning near her knee, with a sash wrapped around her waist and high heels adorned with a flower on the top. She was stunning, so to say. But nothing attracted Niki more than a cold, distant and independent woman. She is everything his mother wasn’t. That weak woman he despised, she stood no chance against his father. But this woman… she did not flinch away from his sick, twisted mind. The treated him the same way as she treated everyone; with a cold, uninterested gaze. This turned him on more than any other woman had done before, and his fascination for her grew. She was not like his fire, but cold as stone.  
  
To her he was a genius, the first one she had ever met. She herself was incredibly smart, but she worked hard for her position, while Niki’s knowledge was a part of him just like his long fingers. However, he was audacious and wild. She was interested in his mind, what he could mean for her future, and she fell for his last name. Fushimi Niki, the man who had apparently survived the tragic accident, but had lost his memories. That was the story they told the media, at least.  
  
Soon they presented themselves as a couple, so Kisa would always be one step ahead with Niki by her side. The regret she must have felt after they had gotten married after a few months, and Niki appeared to be nothing but useless to her. He had only played the game along for her and her family out of boredom, and she had been the most fascinating _thing_ in his life. The one thing he gave her was an unsolicited child.  
  
Kisa had originally intended to make a career first, and have a child around the age of thirty, with the only purpose to reproduce an heir. Unfortunately for her, the night of their wedding she ended up in bed with him after consuming a tad too much of the _Dom Perignon White Gold Champagne_ to get through the ceremony.  
  
Niki was so drunk himself, he does not have any memories of their first and only night together.  
  
When she realised she was pregnant, he forced her to keep the child. He had grown bored again of playing his game with her, and was in need of a new toy to kill his time with. He wonders whether his wife has ever felt _anything_ in her stone cold heart, otherwise she would never have ceded her only sole heir to him. She left the care of her own flesh and blood to a man she could not even stand the presence of. But anything was better than having to care of that child.  
  
Here they are now, their first wedding anniversary and his wife is spending it abroad somewhere in Europe for business. Their child exactly three months old today. There comes a soft sound from the crib, and Niki rises to his feet from the rocking chair. In the small bed there’s a small boy with dark hair and bright, blue eyes, as cold as those from his own mother. This has to be the most repulsive baby he has ever seen. The creature starts to cry. Niki leans over the crib and looks coolly down at him, his tiny hands moving like that of a young cub.  
  
“Hush, my ugly, little monkey.” Niki murmurs as his son whines again. He gently puts his finger in the baby’s mouth. It calms and he begins to suck quietly on the finger.  
  
Niki’s first memory of his father is when he stood over the crib and looked down on him. He sincerely hopes with his whole heart that the memory of his son works in the same way, as he presses his finger down into the baby’s throat, and his laughter coalesces with the child’s wails.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for getting through this! There is not much about Niki, and I am not saying we should appreciate him more- because what's to appreciate him for? But I had some inspiration. This does not explain anything he has done, as someone who studies psychology I would not like to give him a label. Let's put this as a case that some children are just born with the asshole gen. 
> 
> * for the ones who know Hunter x Hunter, they must have recognised the song. Believe me, I spent hours trying to find suitable classical music for this, but this song just described everything for me. I tried to adjust everything to the time Niki lived in, but this. I simply could not find a better suited song.
> 
> This is my first fanfic on AO3, thank you so much for reading!  
> Please leave a review to share your thoughts! If you want to chat add me on twitter: @DeadlyGlamour_ (it's locked but don't feel shy! I'll accept you).


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